


Ghosts of the Past

by bip_1060



Category: Firefly, Serenity (2005)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-21
Updated: 2011-11-04
Packaged: 2017-10-21 15:31:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/226743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bip_1060/pseuds/bip_1060
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon Tam has been through more in his life than the crew of Serenity has any idea about. But now all of those things were going to come out when a ghost from Simon's past comes to the ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this may look familiar to some of you. It's the same story, the same author, but it's been reworked based off feedback I've gotten from other sites so hopefully it'll be better written and more in character. Enjoy, and please give feedback! I'm really trying to grow as a writer. Thanks!  
> Lara

Simon Tam was patching up the Captain yet again. Fortunately, this time the wound was just a graze on his arm from a knife. Not another bullet wound. The doctor was getting strangely used to people he cared about being injured; a major difference from what the hospital on Osiris is like. There he was doctoring many strangers, and on Serenity he doctored a few family members. Odd though to pass through his mind as his Captain finally started to grumble his impatience. He was getting better at sitting still for the doctor – but he wasn’t perfect.

“Come on, Doc. Just a little scratch. Ain’t nothin’ to worry about, or to take so long.”

Simon sighed. “Captain, I’m almost done. How did someone get so close with a knife?” he asked, by way of distraction.

Mal frowned. “Was shootin’ someone else.”

The doctor knew that was probably all he would get. Mal wasn’t particularly fond of talking about how others got the better of him. At least it wasn’t too much of the better this time. Simon had certainly patched worse, on this very man, many times.

“Alright, Captain. You’re done. No heavy lifting for at least a week. I don’t want to have to re-stitch that arm.”  
The Captain wandered out of the infirmary, half-heartedly promising he wouldn’t.

Simon knew he’d have to talk to Jayne and Zoe to make sure they took care of the supplies they were going to pick up on Persephone. The Captain would have them do it, but he’d try to help if the rest of the crew didn’t know he shouldn’t.

Infirmary tidied up, Simon took a book and went to sit with River in the bridge. The siblings had take to spending time together while River was piloting the ship. Wash’s dinosaurs kept her company when Simon couldn’t.

He walked into the bridge, and saw his mei mei fiddling with the controls in front of her. Well, to him it looked like fiddling. In reality it was probably something complex and far over Simon’s head.

She spoke without turning to look at him. “Saw Zoe, saw Jayne. Told them he shouldn’t help.”

Simon smiled ant though of how far River had come. His psychic sister.

“Thank you. He’ll be disgruntled that his crew is conspiring against him.”

“For his own good.”

“Yes.”

“What book?”

Simon laughed. “Why do you ask questions you know the answer to? Charles Dickens’ A Christmas Carol.”

“Not Christmas.”

“No, and there is no day or night in the black.”

She gave him an exasperated look. He laughed. There were so few things he could do to tease his sister, but turning her words against her was one of them.  
“It’s a ghost story. You know that,” he said, still smiling.

“Christmas past,” River said. “Ghost of Christmas past. Not Christmas, just the past.”

“What?”

Now she smiled at him. “You’ll see.”

Seems that his moment of teasing was over and it was his turn to be teased. “If you say so.”  
That night at dinner the Captain announced they would be on Persephone for a few days to rest up, not just for a supply run. “And this time,” the Captain said, “our two former fugitives actually get to leave the ship.”

The crew – Zoe, Jayne, Kaylee, the Captain, even River – turned to look at him. Not surprising. Despite the warrants being lifted, he was still nervous about leaving the ship.

“Yes,” he replied. “Yes, we can leave the ship.”

Two days later on Persephone he was still nervous. He had to tell himself that River could take care of herself, over and over. Very well. Better than he ever could. Everything would be fine.

Kaylee called him a worrywart.

Jayne told him to get his panties out of a bunch.

Mal and Zoe said nothing; they were probably worried too.

River promised to stay with Kaylee. Psychic sisters. So relieved.

Simon stood at the end of the ramp, poised to step onto Persephone but not quite able to make himself. Somehow, he just expected Alliance officers to jump on him the moment he stepped off. Ridiculous.

Simon hadn’t even heard the Captain come up behind him, when the man said, “You planning on leaving, Doc, or you just gonna stand there looking?”

“I suppose I’ll leave eventually,” Simon replied.

“Today?”

“Yes, today.”

The Captain sighed, “I’d happily go with you to keep an eye out, but I’m thinkin’ of getting a passenger or tow here.”

“Is that wise?”

“You questioning my captainly authority there Dr. Tam?”

“No, I just…” Simon hesitated.

“Just what, Doc?”

“Well, picking up passengers didn’t exactly work out well for you the last time, did it?” Simon asked.

A look of understanding passed over the Captain’s face and suddenly Simon was embarrassed to have said anything. The Captain paused and looked out at the docks. Then he turned to an even more nervous Simon and said, “Seems to me that with the exception of that Alliance fellow, the last time Serenity picked up passengers worked out just fine. Stop feeling guilty for things that ain’t your fault, Simon.”

Simon gave a relieved sigh at that. After all, the Captain only used his actual name when he was being serious.

“Besides,” the Captain continued, “I’m the one checking who we pick up, not Kaylee.” He gave a happy smirk, then began to set up where he would be sitting to attract passengers.

“Go have a good day, Doc. Get one of them books you like so much.”

Simon took a deep breath, let it out, and stepped off the ramp. This was the first time he’d set foot on Persephone itself since Serenity had picked him and River up, over a year ago. He made his way through the docks and ships. He listened to all of the noise and bustle of the city. Vendors shouting, women laughing together, men arguing with a now familiar camaraderie. He saw Jayne admiring a gun in the window of a shop, a Van Horne gun. Ha.

Further down, Zoe was looking sadly in a window of a dress shop. As Simon got closer he saw that the dress on display was very slinky. Simon just squeezed her shoulder briefly as he walked by. Nothing could be said that would make a difference. She nodded at him as he moved by.

He kept walking, looking in windows, stopping occasionally to look at the knick-knacks vendors were selling at tables across from the shops. He’d forgotten how much he’d missed city life. All of the people and noise was comforting in a way that can’t be explained to someone who grew up in the country. The sounds of a city, to a born city dweller, become white noise, a comforting buzz that at times they’ll actually seek out. Simon appreciated the quiet, but out in the black there was too much of it. Endless quiet, and stillness. No movement, no life. Simon is a doctor. He likes life.

Even through his relaxation in the sounds of a city, he was still nervous. If someone kept with him too long, he turned a corner to make sure they weren’t following him. He was as uncomfortable with people themselves as much as he was relaxed with the noise they were making.

As he wandered the city he eventually found the few stands that sold books for somewhat decent prices. He found some medical texts he wanted, and one of his favorite books from Earth-That-Was, Peter Pan. He’d had to leave it behind when he left Osiris. The story was meaningless to most people, but Simon had always found a sort of release in the story of the boy who would never grow up.

The day was winding down and Simon made his way back to the ship, to home. There were things about Osiris he missed and things about Serenity that disquieted him, but, for now at least, it was home.

The ship came into sight and Simon saw that he was the last to arrive. The rest of the crew was standing outside by the ramp with a man, presumably the passenger that the Captain had found. The man had his back to Simon, but the doctor could tell that he was probably in shape, and handsome by the way Kaylee was giggling. Good thing they had finished their fling some time ago, otherwise even Simon might have been jealous.

“Doc!” the Captain shouted when he spotted Simon. “Come see what you think of our potential passenger!”

Potential huh? Guess the Captain really is being more selective this time around. Simon was now standing right behind the man, who turned to face him with a smile on his face.

“Hi,” the man said. “Name’s…”

“Ben Winchester,” Simon replied. Shock was clearly written over the doctor’s face, and that shock was mirrored in the stranger’s face. River came out from where she’d been half-hiding behind Jayne, and said, “Not Christmas, just the past.”

“You two know each other, Doc?” Zoe asked.

Simon looked around at the crew and noticed that Jayne, the Captain and Zoe had all moved their hands to their gun belts. Ready to protect him just in case.

“Yes,” Simon replied, looking back at the potential passenger, “but I think he’s a ghost.”


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon's reaction to finding out his old friend is a potential passenger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone, here's Chapter Two. I'm working really hard on characterization in this story, so please give any feedback that you can. Thank you, and enjoy!  
> Lara

When Simon was four years old, he met his best friend. He was at school, at playtime, reading as he had at every playtime in the last three weeks – the first three weeks of school he’d ever had – when a ball hit him in the head. It knocked him to the ground and his book out of his hands.

“Sorry!” he heard someone shout.

He looked up and saw that it was a little boy, about his age. The boy had scruffy, dark blonde hair, and happy, green eyes. He also had a tiny furrow of concern between his brows.

“Are you okay?” he asked Simon.

Simon blinked up at him for a few moments then replied, “Yes, thank you.” Simon began to look around for his book. He’d dropped it, and wanted to get back to reading as soon as possible.

“Didn’t mean to hit you,” the boy said.

Simon frowned. Why was this boy still talking to him?

“It’s fine,” said Simon. He spotted his book on the ground behind the boy. Stepping around the intruder he picked the book up and dusted it off, came back around, sat down and began to read again. He read a few lines then realized that the boy was still standing there.

“Yes?” Simon asked, irritated that his perfectly peaceful playtime was still being interrupted.

“Um, do you know where my ball is?” the boy asked.

“No.”

“Oh,” the boy said. “Okay. Whatcha readin?”

“A story about a wolf that eats a little girl’s grandma.”

“Oh,” the boy said again. “My name is Benny. Will you help me find my ball?”

Simon hesitated. Well, it didn’t appear that this Benny was going to leave him alone. “Okay,” he said. “My name is Simon.”

“Nice to meet you, Simon.”

Twenty years later, Simon was looking at Benny like he’d seen a ghost.

“Sigh…” Benny said, staring at his former friend in shock.

“Hello, Benny,” Simon replied.

“What do you mean a ghost?” the Captain asked.

Simon took a deep breath to steady himself and said, “As far as I know, Ben Winchester died ten years ago at my family’s vacation estate, on Iris. Apparently, that was false.”

The man, now identified as Ben Winchester, appeared to be in a state of shock. All he was doing was staring at Simon, while Simon stared right back at him. The Captain came around to stand between Simon and Winchester, and pulled Simon aside.

“We gonna have a problem, Doc?”

Simon looked at his Captain and said “I honestly have no idea. We were friends years ago. But, he’s lied about being alive for ten years. I went to his funeral! I don’t know what to think.” The more he thought about it, the more upset he got. The Captain, apparently seeing this, said “Alright. I’ll talk to him. Try to find out the story. Gonna be a while before we get work again, with the long trip, so I’d like to take a passenger on, but not one that’s gonna cause problems for my crew.”

“Mal, wait…”

“No, you listen to me. I’m not gonna let anyone on this ship that’s gonna be a danger to my crew and you and your sister are on my crew. Understood?”

“Yes, Captain.” Simon was not thrilled with the Captain speaking to Ben first, but at the moment he looked like he had the job just before Miranda. – You say the words that’s final again, they truly will be. – so Simon was forced to accept it for the moment at least. After all he wanted to stay crew for as long as he could. Arguing with the Mal at all, much less in front of the rest of the crew wasn’t necessarily the way to remain so.

The two men split up. The Captain went to Winchester to begin their… conversation. Simon headed into the ship, towards the infirmary. He couldn’t believe it. Ben was alive! As he began to organize the already organized infirmary, he tried to wrap his mind around Ben. And the Captain was talking to him. Simon wasn’t quite sure how he felt about that. On one side, he was happy to be a protected part of the crew. On the other side, Simon would have preferred – greatly preferred – to be the one to find out Ben’s intentions and ultimately what had happened to him. The Captain would definitely be sharing the results of this talk with Simon.

But Simon knew that was just the frustration and anxiety talking. There were no reasons for him to really question his Captain – especially since Simon shares the same concerns. As he came down from his anxiety induced adrenaline rush, he started to feel … stuck. Now that River was better not perfect but better, he had less to do and the feeling of being unable to move would come over him, the feeling of –

“Doc.”

Simon was pulled out of his musings by an uncomfortable looking Jayne.

“Yes, Jayne?”

“Cut my thumb. Tried to stop it but the blood jist keeps coming.”

Simon smiled. A familiar situation, a calming situation. Simon pushed down his thoughts as he began to get supplies to stitch Jayne’s thumb.

“So, you know that fella huh?” Jayne asked.

And all Simon’s thoughts came back up. So much for calm.

“Yes, well, at least I did know him.” Simon applied a local anesthetic.

“You thought he was dead.”

“I was there the night he died. Or thought he died. I didn’t actually see it though. No one did. And now I know why.”

Simon threaded the needle and began to stitch.

“Well, he don’t seem sissified like you so he musta took off to some where outta the Core,” Jayne said. “What happened that night. Come on, Doc, don’t leave me hangin’.”

Simon smiled, again. Only Jayne would be so blunt. He couldn’t wait to see how the rest of the crew reacted, the female members. River probably knew something Simon didn’t though. She always did. Kaylee and Zoe were the wild cards.

“We were friends as children. Unlikely friends.”

“He not rich like you? So that’s why he’s not sissified.”

“His parents were rich like mine. Him personally, now? I have no idea. We were unlikely friends because we weren’t similar in other ways. Is he still charming? I didn’t get to hear him speak much.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jayne answered. “Kaylee sure seemed to think so.”

Simon laughed as he began to finish the stitching – small cut. “Yes, well, he’s always been like that. And I’ve always been, well me.”

Jayne chuckled, deep from his chest. “Yeah, talkin’ to people ain’t your strong suit, Doc.”

“No, it isn’t. Now, don’t use this hand. I’m getting tired of stitching this thumb.”

“Naw, you ain’t. Gives you something to do.” With that insightful comment he left the infirmary, and left Simon with his thoughts.

An hour passed. The rest of the crew seemed to be leaving Simon in solitude on purpose, even River. They probably thought he needed the alone time, except River. He was probably just thinking too loud for her.

“Very loud.”

Simon jumped. “River,” Simon said. “Well, what do you think?”

She walked into his infirmary slowly, checking the corners. She’d never be comfortable in rooms like this.

“A ghost.”

“Yes, a ghost.”

“Ghost of the past. Ghost of the present. Ghost of the future.”

“Bad future or good future?”

“Can’t tell. Future isn’t set. Moral of the story.”

“But what do you think?”

River paused, seeming to think it over. Maybe she really couldn’t guess. Then she said, “Hates Alliance. Like Mal. Hates money. Missed you.”

The tension in Simon’s shoulders loosened. He hadn’t even realized he’d had been holding himself so tight.

River said, “Simple, Simon. Captain is coming. Going to play with Kaylee now.”

His psychic sister. She’d only looked to make him feel better. He couldn’t ask for more. The deeper she went in someone’s head, the more she felt of them. Then the nightmares came, nightmares that weren’t hers. His brave sister who knew the Captain was coming , the Captain who was just now walking through the door.

“’lo Doc.”

“Hello, Captain. Any decisions?”

“Yeah. Been talking it over with Zoe. Talking to Winchester for a while, did some research on him. Don’t seem to have any,” Mal paused looking for the right word, then “dangerous affiliations. You’re gonna have to talk to him though. Don’t want any complications on my ship.”

Simon nodded. What River had said essentially matched up. And the Captain had certainly dealt with enough of Simon’s “complications” in the last year.

“We invited him to dinner, so y’all can talk afterwards. Gets the rest of the crew used to him too.”

“Alright, Captain. I’ll talk to him. Does he know about River and I?”

“I told him,” the Captain said. “But just the minimum. You and the Alliance have had some differences over the last few years but things are resolved now. “

“Do you really think they are? Resolved, I mean,” Simon asked.

Mal took a moment to think the question over. Then he answered, “Don’t rightly know, Simon. I’m inclined to think that as long as you don’t make any more trouble, the Alliance will leave you alone. Probably don’t want anything rocking their boats. Things have been pretty uneasy since… since Miranda. We shook them up, even if we didn’t bring them down. Basically, all we did was blackmail them into letting two people live their lives. Not a bad deal, considering.”

Simon took a moment to think that over. Yes, he supposed all of what the Captain said was true. But it was going to take a long time before Simon felt at ease with the verse. Maybe never. Even walking around the shops on Persephone today had made him nervous. Instantly being concerned about his former best friend’s intentions shows a certain amount of paranoia that Simon wouldn’t have had even eighteen months ago. Then he’d been scheming to get River out, but he’d still been at home. He’d still had the friends he’d had all his life. Now one he thought had been lost was back. Ben was alive. And coming to dinner!

“Hey, Doc?” Mal said, drawing Simon out of his thoughts.

“What time is dinner, Mal?”

The Captain blinked for a moment at the odd change of subject, then said, “What?”

“What time is dinner?” Simon reiterated.

“’Bout an hour.”

Not much time to get ready then. Simon began to move, saying to the Captain as he left the infirmary, “Thank you for your help, Captain.”

Mal stood staring as Simon hurried away to get ready for dinner… with Ben.


	3. Chapter Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it's been so long everyone! School and life got pretty busy. Anyway here is the new chapter.

Chapter Three  
Simon spent the next hour getting ready. He looked at himself in the mirror set up in his room – still in the passenger dorms. While always proper and well groomed, now he wanted to look his best, just for Ben. He cleaned himself up from the day in the streets of Persephone. He washed his face four times, changed his clothes, and looked in the mirror. He compulsively arranged his clothes, pulling at his sleeves, straightening his vest. It had been ten years since the party, when Simon had first dressed up just for one person. And now he was currently dressing up just for the same person again. Some things truly never changed.

There aren't any words for how nervous Simon was.

Soon, too soon, Simon heard River say over the intercom, “Everyone hurry to dinner. We have a guest coming.”

Simon took one last look at himself then walked out of his room to head to the dinner table. River’s voice came over again, saying, “Also, Jayne is very hungry.”

A pep was put in Simon’s step on that note. He may not love the protein filled food on Serenity, but that didn’t mean he wanted to starve.

Ben wasn’t there yet but the entire crew was staring at him as he walked into the kitchen.

“Lookin’ pretty there, Doc,” Jayne said with a leer.

“Hadn’t seen you dress up like that since you first showed up here, “Zoe added.

“Yes, I suppose not,” Simon replied as he sat down. “Old habits die hard, apparently. Even ten years later.”

Mal frowned at that. “Were the two of you… you know, together, Doc?” the Captain asked with obvious discomfort on his face.

“No,” Simon said, smiling. “No, no, just a school boy crush.”

Mal relaxed at hearing that, but Simon noticed that Kaylee tensed up. Simon made eye contact with River, and knew that she was thinking the same thing. Ben hadn’t lost his touch. For a few minutes Mal disappeared, apparently to wait for Ben and escort him up to the kitchen. Simon sat in silence. Nervous silence. Two people had ever made him this nervous and Ben had always been one of them.

And speaking of Benny…

“Hello there,” he said as he walked in with Mal. His voice had changed since Simon saw him last. Of course he’d been a boy then, and now he was a man. The husky quality that he’d begun to develop had increased, and there was an odd mixture of smooth and gruff that was distinct. Now Simon would know his voice anywhere.

“’Lo, there,” the Captain replied. “Think you’ll find your way around here okay then?”

“Oh yeah,” Ben said. “I’ve been on a Firefly before.” He sat down slowly, right across from Simon… of course. Zoe   
looked observingly at the new arrival. River was looking at Simon. Kaylee sat up straighter. Jayne was eating.

Mal nodded. “Well that makes things convenient. So, you and the Doc have known each other for a while.”

“Since we were four years old,” Simon said.

Zoe said, “twenty years. Long time.”

“Long time,” Ben agreed.

“So what do you do?” Kaylee asked, all nervous energy, like when Simon had first come aboard.

As Ben began to talk about the things he’d done – building on the newly terraformed moons on the Rim; trading and shipping on several different ships; part-time work on Persephone most recently – Simon began to look closely at his old friend.

His skin was darker, more tanned, from the time spent working in the sun. His hair was the same dirty blonde color it had been, but now it was cut shorter, and scruffier. He didn’t have his mother yelling at him to get his hair cut anymore. His eyes though; his eyes were still the same beautiful, deep green they had been at fourteen. They still lit up when he spoke. Looking around the table, Simon realized that Ben really did still have the same charm. Most of the table was eating and listening to what Ben had to say. He and River appeared t o be the only people not really listening to Ben. He was looking around, and River was looking at him. Simon gave his sister a smile of reassurance; he’s okay and tried to tune back into the conversation.

“Wow, you’ve really done a lot,” Kaylee said, smiling shyly and leaning forward.

Ben started to respond when River interrupted him saying, “Hasn’t done anything.”

“Excuse me?” was Ben’s irritated reply.

Simon looked at him, with a small smile on his face, and said “Ben, you remember my sister, River, don’t you?”

The look on Ben’s face clearly said that he was surprised that the young woman in front of him was the same little girl he used to know. He hadn’t made the connection apparently.

“Yeah,” he said with quiet surprise, “yeah, I remember. Wow, River, you – “

“Hasn’t done anything. Running from but never to. Died but hasn’t lived,” River said. Then she giggled knowingly, in a way that most people found rather creepy.

Well, Ben was definitely getting the full treatment tonight at least Jayne wasn’t –

“Yep, that’s little crazy. And, hey, Kaylee gets in further out that seat, she’s gonna be in your lap Winchester,”

Jayne chuckled darkly at his only contribution to the conversation.

Nevermind. Simon’s life seemed to be an exercise in the idea that anything that can go wrong will. All points had been   
covered now.

Ben had started looking nervous at all of the new attention. Between River and Jayne anyone would be nervous though, so maybe things would settle now that he knew the personalities of the more blunt crew members.

Then Ben asked, “What does she mean, hasn’t done anything?”

Well, unless he asked for follow up. Simon took it upon himself to explain, and said, “She could mean any number of things. That what you’ve done hasn’t amounted to anything; that you’re not doing what you want to be doing. That you’re just passing time.”

Simon wasn’t fond of being his sister’s translator but he was used to it. Quite calm and collected, he finished speaking and looked at an even more agitated Ben Winchester.

“And she would know that how?”

Simon smiled. “Come on, Benny, you remember how perceptive River was when we were younger. Don’t you thing that would have increased in the last ten years?”

River giggled again and said, “He hasn’t changed. We have. Scary.”

Simon was aware that the table was observing them, but he didn’t care. They’d done this as children; teamed up against people. Simon was usually just being amused at whatever his sister was saying then though. Now he was taking a more active role. It used to bother people that they would do this to or around as children. As a grown man and emotionally disturbed reader it was apparently just as eerie if not more. They had done the same thing to deal with Jubal Early. They played off what one another said, Simon just going with his sister. The crew hadn’t been present for that though, and they were looking suitably nervous for not having seen the siblings tease people like this before. Simon was aware that some of the nerves had to do with him being teasing more than River though. As a reader, and an extremely intelligent, teenage girl River was expected to be silly on occasion. He was not.

Ben had relaxed though. Despite the subject matter, he’d realized what his old friend was doing. He remembered.

“Oh, so you thing I’m scared huh?” he replied with a knowing smirk.

“Most definitely,” River replied.

Ben started grinning at River, who was looking very satisfied with herself. Simon knew that the process of teasing with a Tam would be much better known to Ben than the crew. “And what do I have to do to prove I’m not, missy?” he said, invoking the silly name he’d used with her as a child.

River’s face lost all hints of teasing at the question though. The crew, Simon noticed, was worried about their reader’s reaction and began to appear nervous. And in this case, Simon included himself among the crew. He watched as River frowned at his old friend.

She looked at Ben directly in the eye and said, “Stay.”

Ben sat back in his chair, a – not surprised but perhaps confused look on his face. Simon was glad his reaction wasn’t stronger. He hadn’t been exactly shocked at his sister’s suggestion though.

By now nearly everyone was done with their meal, excepting Jayne who had somehow managed to get a second heaping and was munching contentedly.

The Captain gave Simon a look; one that meant both “are you ready to talk to him?” and “it’ll be okay.” Simon nodded gratefully and in favor of both meanings.

“Well, folks,” the Captain said as he stood up. “I say we let the Doc and his friend clean up tonight, as a welcome to the ship. So, welcome to Serenity, Winchester. Doc, I trust you can escort our guest out later?”  
Simon nodded.

The crew began standing and dumping their plates in the sink, and moving out of the kitchen. The Captain and Zoe headed towards the bridge. River came and kissed his cheek before following them. Kaylee moved towards the engine room, but Simon noticed that she kept her eyes on Ben all the way out. Jayne, the last to leave, leaned towards Simon and said, “Don’t worry, Doc. You’ll be okay.”

Simon stared in shock as Jayne left the room. He must look particularly nervous for Jayne to feel the need to reassure him.

Simon turned around.

“Hello, Benny.”

“Hello, Sigh.”


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Simon and Ben talk. A little. Sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And another chapter!! This one is slightly shorter than the others, but hopefully just as good. Or better even. Feedback is always appreciated.

The two old friends were sitting at the dining table. They had finished the dishes in relative silence, and now were sitting staring at each other nervously. They both waited, unsure of what to say.

“So,” Ben started.

“So,” was Simon’s intelligent reply.

“It’s, um, been a long time.”

Simon sat back and sighed at that statement of the obvious. After a pause he replied, “Where did you go, Benny?”

Ben’s face very nearly closed off. His eyes closed and his lips pressed together. His hands on the table became fists and he seemed to be bottling in all the responses that first came to mind. Simon watched his former – current? – friend sadly.

“Come on, Benny. I deserve an answer. Maybe not every single detail of what happened after you disappeared, but I should deserve an answer as to why you left. For ten years you let me, and not just me, think you were dead. You parents. Your brother. What happened, Benny?”

Ben attempted to relax his stiff posture, took a deep breath and said, “You know what I thought, Simon. You know what side I was on.”

Realization struck Simon. “You weren’t taken. I was hoping that you were taken and just didn’t come back. Started a new life somewhere else. You ran. You ran with them!”

He stood up and began to pace around the room, unable to contain the fury at the notion that Ben could have left with those people.

Ben stood in outrage. “Them!” he yelled. “Them! The Captain of this ship is an Independent and you still have something against them?”

“No!” Simon shouted back. “No, not Independents. Believe me, I’ve seen enough to have my opinions on Unification changed. No, those specific men. The men that burned the house, without caring who was inside – like, oh, my baby sister! The men who –“ Simon cut himself off, trying to contain his rage.

“Oh, please,” Ben disgustedly replied. “I looked it up when I could. No one died.”

Simon deflated. Shoulders sagging, he leant his palms down on the counter facing away from Ben.

“No,” he said quietly. “No one died. There were injuries though. Not to mention the far that as far as I knew my friend burned alive.”

“Oh.”

The two men stood silently in the room. Simon attempted to calm his heartbeat. Other than the Captain no one else really infuriated him except Ben.

But the fury wasn’t just to do with Ben. Well, not the current Ben standing in front of him. That night ten years ago

Ben died, and Simon burned. The scars hurt now. An imagined feeling, like a man trying to scratch an itch on a limb that wasn’t there anymore. Ben didn’t know though. He had seen freedom, where Simon had seen horror. So much pain. Fourteen and terrified. The men, the pain, the burns, River, Nathan, Benny….

“Hey, Doc.”

Simon turned and looked at Jayne standing in the doorway, hand at his waist where he kept his knife. He must have heard the shouting. Ben didn’t look happy at the intrusion, but he wasn’t making any threatening gestures so that was something.

“I’m fine, Jayne. It’s been ten years. There was bound to be yelling.”

Jayne looked unsure. “Really, Jayne. I’m perfectly safe. You can go clean Vera,” Simon said gently.

Jayne looked reluctant but he eventually nodded. As Jayne retreated, Ben looked relieved at not having a man with a knife in the room with them.

“Protective isn’t he?”

“Yes,” Simon replied. “They all are. I’m afraid River and I were quite a lot of trouble for a while. So, do you think we can do this?”

Ben took a deep breath and answer, “Yes. We’ve got some problems, but I think we’ll be okay. I want to be your friend again. I did you Simon. A lot.”

“Alright then,” said Simon. “I’ll tell the Captain.”

After he escorted Ben off the ship for the night, he walked towards the bridge. He told the Captain that Ben would be joining Serenity for the trip. That night in his bunk Simon went through the events of the day.

Ben wanted to be his friend again. Good. He’d missed Ben. But now the shock was starting to wear off and the other emotions that seeing Ben brought out were beginning to surface. Ben had been alive all of this time. Had taken off with all those people and hadn’t looked back.

Simon experience was different from Ben’s. Ben had admitted to missing Simon. But Simon hadn’t just missed Ben, he’d mourned him! His best friend, the only best friend he’d ever had, had burned to death ten years ago. And Ben hadn’t cared one bit about how Simon had felt.

But what could Simon really say. It wasn’t as though he wasn’t keeping anything from Ben. The truth about him and River and the Alliance for one. But Ben could discover some of that on his own, and as long as he wasn’t associated with the Alliance himself then they should be safe. There was also what happened that night. The crew didn’t know anything about it, much less what all ha d really happened there. Well, River knew. And Mal probably at least looked up how Ben had supposedly died, just for the background. But that wouldn’t have told him about what happened to Simon.

Eventually, Simon fell into a restless sleep. He dreamt of fire.


End file.
